What Next?

I still am looking for that next "job".

I so want to help others.

My husband has offered to let me be a "stay at home mom". I would like to go back to school to become a sign language interpreter. I am still thinking on all that before I quit my "day" job.

I keep watching those struggling with infertility and/or pregnancy loss. I would love to be a surrogate again. I know my age and the fact that I had a c-section is against me. I just saw a video today from a mom who lost a pregnancy at 13 weeks. A friend on facebook has this as her status "This week we remember all babies born sleeping, or those we've carried but never met, those we have held but could not take home, or those that we have brought home, but didn't stay. Make this your profile status if you, or someone you love, has suffered the loss ...of a child. The majority won't do it because unlike cancer, the loss of a baby is still a taboo subject. Break the silence!♥" I know the heartbreak is out there. I want to do more than just put this in my status.

One year ago today I was getting ready for a FET. This past weekend my "baby" boy went on his first official "NOT" date to homecoming. He is so perfect and the adventures we get to live with him are amazing gifts from God. I want to help other parents get the same opportunities.

Pray for me as I look for the opportunity God has waiting for me. Pray for those struggling with loss or infertility. My Bible verse of the day, the other day, was "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.Colossians 3:12-14"

• Compassion
• Kindness
• Humility
• Gentleness
• Patience
• Forgiveness
• Love (the glue that holds it together)

Heavenly Father, give me these qualities. Help me to develop them and use them. Help me to love those around me and those far away. Help me to find the work you have set before me and the courage and strength to finish it. God bless me as only you can. In Jesus' name. Amen

Today

I am writing just to keep up the habit of putting my thoughts down. Life is so busy, sometimes we forget what we are here for.

• Orchestra Orientation last night
• Max has two leads in two different theater productions, one a competition
• Fuel church service tonight, several rehearsals this past month
• David has resigned his worship ministry job
• David has been promoted at work
• Homecoming is coming
• High school Bible study started

Scattered thoughts hopefully I will have more next time.

Continue to pray for the baby and her family. She is growing big and strong. Continue to pray for me as I look for that next journey of service.

8 weeks

Well it has been eight weeks today since the IP's got to hold their baby for the first time.

Our lives are getting back to "normal". We continue to serve at church and work full time. Our children have been back to school for four weeks and we have gone on and returned from a family vacation.

We went on the longest family vacation we have ever gone on. We went back to Disney and the "land of make believe". We did make a one day trip to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure to visit where David used to work and the new "Wizarding World of Harry Potter". We had a great time, much needed just the four of us time. We had been on trips this past year, but we always had the IP's and their family with us because we were carrying their child. This trip was just us. We rode rides, ate lots, swam and sweat. It was GREAT! We were able to spend some time with church family down there also, I wish we could have met with more, but family bonding was very necessary this trip.

I am uncertain how I am feeling emotionally right now. I feel great, but different. I actually miss being pregnant. Having a body created by God to have children, when I am pregnant I feel whole, complete, perfect, beautiful... I am pumping, originally I was donating to the baby. now to end the supply I pump and dump for comfort until the milk is gone. I need to get back to exercising. I am soft and squishy were a person should not be soft and squishy. I need to find where I am supposed to work next. I feel lost without that obvious God given job to do.

I continue to watch those that are trying and those suffering from loss on YouTube and wish I could help them all. God is and has been so GOOD to me I just wish I could do the same for others. I continue to PRAY for them. I reach out when I can.

Please pray for those hurting, for the next job God has for me and that His glory be shown.