Denied

Being a woman the only appointment I dread more than a yearly pap is a mammogram. AAHHH! It took me forever to get myself mentally prepared. It is humiliating having someone touch certain body parts and allow them to squish said body part between two very hard pressure driven pieces of plastic. One year I could not breath for two days following this type of appointment.

I was resolved. It has been two years since my last mammogram. Last year I was pregnant or getting pregnant so I had other screenings to go through. I made the call, asked the questions, gave the facts, (I just had a baby in July, I pumped until August, is it too soon???). I was given the "go-head" given an appointment. Then, today when I got there I was told I need to wait six months after stopping pumping. AAAHHH!! Now I have to go though the process all over again.

The most frustrating part being is that there is a procedure that I want to get done and without a mammogram I can't get my insurance to approve it. I wanted to have it done soon so that it would go under this year's detectible. My deductible is paid in full with the cost of the baby. I did not get paid to do the surrogacy so this is the only way I can afford it is to have my deductible already paid. Oh well...

I know that God designed me. I know that He finds me perfect and beautiful. I know that I am His.

One Year Ago Today

I do not know how I feel today. I think it is sad. It could be anxious. Maybe lost.

One year ago today we had our Frozen Embryo Transfer. I loved being pregnant. I loved the excitement of wondering where God was going to take this journey.

Yesterday a sweet woman asked me if I would consider being a TS for her. I wish I could. I know I can't. A TS uses her egg, carries it for months and then gives it up for adoption to other parents. I am a very selfish person. I cannot imagine giving a child that God had given to me away. I know she is hurting, has empty arms, I want to help. I asked her to not give up on me, that I want to be here for her, that I will be praying. I also asked her to look at snowflake babies.
http://www.nightlight.org/adoption-services/snowflakes-embryo/
I have not heard back from her. My heart hurts, I am worried that maybe I have been the cause of "another" hurt. All I want to be is help and support.

October is "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month". The Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness week is this week. The official day to recognize babies is October 15th. On the day everyone all over the world is asked to light a candle at 7pm to remember all the babies lost in pregnancy and infancy.

Please pray for those that are hurting and those on journeys to help fill empty arms. This is not easy for anyone involved. We all need prayers and support.

On a side note: Breast cancer awareness... Get your squished. I am getting mine today!

Which Crown is yours?

I found this study yesterday in my preparation for giving out the tiaras to the group last night.

Five Crowns in the Bible for Believers www.g-m-a-g.com/messgae5.htm

1. The incorruptible crown: 1 Cor. 9:24,25
This crown is given to believers who faithfully run the race, who crucify every selfish desire in the flesh and point men to Jesus.

2. The crown of rejoicing: 1 Thess. 2:19, 20 & Dan. 12:3
To those who faithfully are witnesses to saving grace of God and leads souls to Jesus.

3. The crown of life: James 1:12
This crown is for believers who endure trials, tribulations and severe suffering, even to death Rev. 2:8-11.

4. The crown of righteousness: 2 Tim. 4:8
This crown is given to those who have lived a good and righteous life for God while living down here on earth.

5. The crown of glory: 1 Pet. 5:1-4
This is the pastor's crown who faithfully feed the flock of God.

I do not know what crown I will wear. I hope that I as the elders mentioned in Rev.: 4:10,11 that I "cast it before the throne, saying: You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: For You created all things, and by Your will they exist and were created."

Daughters of the KING

We are starting a new Bible study in High School Girl's small group.

These girls I get to spend time with once or twice a week mean so much to me. All I want for them to know is that they mean so much more to God. That He gave His Son to die so that they can be called His daughters. I know that they are faced with so many challenges today and tomorrow and have fought many battles yesterday and before. I hope to help them understand that they are worth God's sacrifice. I want them to understand that being a daughter of the King though does require dedication on their part. We must, they must, represent Him.

I hope that as we go through the two books/studies I have found that we together find out what it means to be a daughter of the King, one destined to live in His kingdom. How should we act, speak, dress, care for others, ... We owe Him everything, yet He asks for nothing but us, our lives. He gives us everything and more, and we deserve none of it.

I will let you know how the study goes.

But today, I desire you to know that you are sons and daughters of the King, THE KING! Not by what you have done but by what He has.

That you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.

Philippians 2:15 ESV

Who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor the will of man, but of God.

John 1:13 ESV

But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God,

John 1:12 ESV

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. Galatians 4:4-5 ESV