One Year..
It has been one year since I gave birth to my first surrogate baby. It is hard to put a title to how I am feeling and how I have felt this past year.
I have asked myself so many questions. My husband and I have had so many conversations. What have we learned? What do we wish was different? How different could this have been? Do they understand what we, all four of us, with God's help and direction "did" for them? How could they be so involved in our lives for so long and then almost disappear? Is she walking? Is she talking? How many teeth does she have? Has she been swimming? What is her favorite food?
I do not want these answered because of what "we did", but because I thought we were friends. After all I did this for nothing and even at a $ cost to my family. I don't want "thank you's". I just thought we had a friendship, more than a "oh you are at church so let me show you the baby and tell you what she is doing" relationship, that is what everyone else gets. I thought we had become closer. After all the IM saw me "naked" more times than I would like to admit.
I thought, at least, the IM had become a close friend.
We did get an invitation to the birthday party on Saturday. We are going... I am so excited to "see" and "experience" the joy the IM has as a mommy. That is all I ever wanted for her, arms that are no longer empty.
I would do it again, I am doing it again. I would do things differently, I am doing things differently. I have learned A LOT, I am still learning A LOT. I am SO BLESSED beyond measure by God there is not enough room to write it out or even enough words to express it all.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you! In Jesus' Name, Amen
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I got an email (Ramblings my mind is SPINNING)
I got an email the other day, actually it was yesterday.
BACK STORY
I sent in my applications in November/December 2010. I had phone interviews. I was told that I would be "hard to match", and hadn't heard anything since. I thought the agencies had "given up" on me. I am older, I do not want to work with "same sex" couples and I will not terminate unless I am dieing. I thought that the agencies felt "three strikes" I was out.
I started reaching out through an online community. I started talking to two different families, at different times. The first one ended in them struggling with surrogacy. The second family, after the first ended, I found them to already have 8 children and then the IF's health caused that journey to stall/end. That , independent-online search, obviously did not work for me. I am so happy that it does work for others.
I decided after TWO families "misleadings/omissions" I needed to have someone else help me look and "protect" me. I reached to the lawyer that facilitated my first journey, they were polite. I contacted the RE's office, they referred me to another local lawyer that works with surrogacy, adoption, donor,... This law office is amazing. They contacted me by email, phone and we have even had lunch together. The two women I met are so encouraging and kind. They encouraged me that I will be "matchable" it just may take a few months. That was last Wednesday June 8, 2011.
TIME NOW (THIS WEEK TO TODAY) (Monday June 13 and today June 14, 2010)
My mind is spinning. I know this is early.
Monday I got an email from one of the agencies I had sent in an application to, and had a phone interview with. Someone that I felt had "given up" on me, was reaching out to me. We played email tag and phone tag. I PRAYED and PRAYED. I spoke to God about His humor and timing. [This agency works with international couples, I mentioned (to GOD) that Germany or Ireland would be "cool".] I got another email this morning informing me that the IP coordinator for this agency had some PIP's (potential intended parents)in mind and was wondering if I would be interested in them looking at my profile. I said "yes I am very interested, by the way may I ask where they are located?". They are located in Germany.
God NEVER ceases to amaze me. HE is the Beginning and the End, my Creator, my Lord, my King, my Supplier, my Source, my Everything...
BACK STORY
I sent in my applications in November/December 2010. I had phone interviews. I was told that I would be "hard to match", and hadn't heard anything since. I thought the agencies had "given up" on me. I am older, I do not want to work with "same sex" couples and I will not terminate unless I am dieing. I thought that the agencies felt "three strikes" I was out.
I started reaching out through an online community. I started talking to two different families, at different times. The first one ended in them struggling with surrogacy. The second family, after the first ended, I found them to already have 8 children and then the IF's health caused that journey to stall/end. That , independent-online search, obviously did not work for me. I am so happy that it does work for others.
I decided after TWO families "misleadings/omissions" I needed to have someone else help me look and "protect" me. I reached to the lawyer that facilitated my first journey, they were polite. I contacted the RE's office, they referred me to another local lawyer that works with surrogacy, adoption, donor,... This law office is amazing. They contacted me by email, phone and we have even had lunch together. The two women I met are so encouraging and kind. They encouraged me that I will be "matchable" it just may take a few months. That was last Wednesday June 8, 2011.
TIME NOW (THIS WEEK TO TODAY) (Monday June 13 and today June 14, 2010)
My mind is spinning. I know this is early.
Monday I got an email from one of the agencies I had sent in an application to, and had a phone interview with. Someone that I felt had "given up" on me, was reaching out to me. We played email tag and phone tag. I PRAYED and PRAYED. I spoke to God about His humor and timing. [This agency works with international couples, I mentioned (to GOD) that Germany or Ireland would be "cool".] I got another email this morning informing me that the IP coordinator for this agency had some PIP's (potential intended parents)in mind and was wondering if I would be interested in them looking at my profile. I said "yes I am very interested, by the way may I ask where they are located?". They are located in Germany.
God NEVER ceases to amaze me. HE is the Beginning and the End, my Creator, my Lord, my King, my Supplier, my Source, my Everything...
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Getting ready for a trip
We go to Disney. It is what we do. We have two teenagers that still enjoy spending time with us, without bringing along a friend. In getting ready for our summer trip I was going through some memories. I can't wai to make some more. Seven days and counting down! Here are some memories from out last two trips.
Disney Memories
Disney Memories
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Blogs I read
I read some amazing blogs. The women, families and their strength is so inspiring to me. There are blogs about longing, fear, praise, celebrations, desire and advice. I found most of these blogs through the search for more information on surrogacy and infertility. Some of the bloggers have overcome infertility and have gone through the steps of cautious fear to celebrations. Some are still struggling. Some bloggers are those who have stepped up to fill a need and help those struggling with infertility. And some, most that I have recently found, were blessed with a child and with that child came blessings in the form of challenges and triumphs. I have wept, prayed, laughed and rejoiced with these families. I have tried to leave encouraging words. The words and emotions remind me that there are so many other reasons to be here on earth, that in every situation there is a Kingdom moment. Read them. These families have so much more to offer than my simple blog.
On a side note, but blog related...
In my search for a new journey the question about "reduction/termination" comes up. One of the questions asked was; "What is the role of the intended parents in such decisions about abortion and selective reduction?" I see so many parents, with and without children, praising, struggling, searching, trying, praying. And yet on a questionnaire for a surrogate they have two questions about "reduction/termination"? Read the blogs see the longing, stop and say a prayer for those hurting.
Today I wrapped the presents that we got for our daughter's 15th birthday. I was looking for the words to tell her how much she means to me. This prayer is the closest I could find, as long as we stamp it "ANSWERED".
On a side note, but blog related...
In my search for a new journey the question about "reduction/termination" comes up. One of the questions asked was; "What is the role of the intended parents in such decisions about abortion and selective reduction?" I see so many parents, with and without children, praising, struggling, searching, trying, praying. And yet on a questionnaire for a surrogate they have two questions about "reduction/termination"? Read the blogs see the longing, stop and say a prayer for those hurting.
Today I wrapped the presents that we got for our daughter's 15th birthday. I was looking for the words to tell her how much she means to me. This prayer is the closest I could find, as long as we stamp it "ANSWERED".
You know my deep desire for a child
A little one to love and to hold, to care for,
to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive
and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in
Your holy image.
Guide me in all my choices so that this
conception, my pregnancy and my baby's birth
are in line with Your will.
Heavenly Father , hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.
Amen.
How did I answer the question??? "I pray that wanting a child so badly they would love any and all. I do understand wanting a perfect child after waiting so long, but every child is perfect."
God,
Thank you for prayers answered. For blessings beyond measure. For uunmerited favor. Heavenly Father please be with those struggling. Be with us, outside of the struggles, and guide us to be encourager's and shoulders. Thank you for my baby girl. Help me to raise her looking at You. Thank you for trusting me with such a precious gift. Be with my next journey.
In Jesus' name,
Amen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)