I don't know where to start. I know I have been gone a long time. I am slowing coming back. This blog will be a journey of finding me. A look back to where I am from and where I have been, two different places indeed but both make me who I am today.
I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on April 30, 2013.
He was born by c-section, at his parent's request. They had recently had a friend suffer the tragedy of losing a child during a VBAC. I understood their nervousness after trying for so long and having failed surrogacy journeys with other surrogates at different points on each different journey, before this one. But I will admit I was disappointed. The recovery was much longer than I had hoped or wanted.
I didn't get to witness the parents, no longer IP's, meeting their son, but my husband did. He filmed their meeting for me. I didn't get to witness the first surrogate baby meet her parents and I did not wan to miss the opportunity again.
So much happened during this journey. A lot was not surrogacy related, but still connected in a slight way. There were hurt feelings. Toes were stepped on. Boundaries were crossed. Sick family members. Job issues and loss. In the end I lost a lot. I lost a lot of myself and I am still slowly getting myself back.
I met him once a couple of months after he was born. I got to hold him for a few moments.
His mommy and I still stay in touch. I get photos every now and then, I got more photos in the beginning. Life gets busy, especially the life of a mommy!
The journey wasn't about getting to know him and be a part of his life. It was about helping a heart to heal and dreams to be realized. My relationship was with his mommy. And even though it was him I carried. she is who I miss the most.
I will write more about the surrogacy journey as reflections. I feel I can be more honest now that I am finding myself again.
I live such a BLESSED life. The opportunities I am given amaze me.
The different direction...
Live kidney donation! I am in the late stages of testing and may soon be a donor to a local man. This journey is similar, in many ways a little more scary. And I know I am here at this place in this moment to do "this".
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