One Year..
It has been one year since I gave birth to my first surrogate baby. It is hard to put a title to how I am feeling and how I have felt this past year.
I have asked myself so many questions. My husband and I have had so many conversations. What have we learned? What do we wish was different? How different could this have been? Do they understand what we, all four of us, with God's help and direction "did" for them? How could they be so involved in our lives for so long and then almost disappear? Is she walking? Is she talking? How many teeth does she have? Has she been swimming? What is her favorite food?
I do not want these answered because of what "we did", but because I thought we were friends. After all I did this for nothing and even at a $ cost to my family. I don't want "thank you's". I just thought we had a friendship, more than a "oh you are at church so let me show you the baby and tell you what she is doing" relationship, that is what everyone else gets. I thought we had become closer. After all the IM saw me "naked" more times than I would like to admit.
I thought, at least, the IM had become a close friend.
We did get an invitation to the birthday party on Saturday. We are going... I am so excited to "see" and "experience" the joy the IM has as a mommy. That is all I ever wanted for her, arms that are no longer empty.
I would do it again, I am doing it again. I would do things differently, I am doing things differently. I have learned A LOT, I am still learning A LOT. I am SO BLESSED beyond measure by God there is not enough room to write it out or even enough words to express it all.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you! In Jesus' Name, Amen
