Surrogacy can get in the way sometimes...

Surrogacy costs my family other "things" than money.  

Today my sister and brother are moving my mom into a nursing home.  I can't go home to help.  My mom lives in Iowa.  It is a 15 hour drive straight through.  I am currently 7 weeks pregnant.  There is no way I can ride in a car for 15 hours straight.  I am not allowed to travel without "written permission" from the IVF Dr.  

I just found out last Friday evening.  I thought the date was would be a little farther in the future so I could get everything on my end together so I could help, I mean I just found out the week before that they were seriously talking to the social worker about it.  I had arranged to take 11 days off over Christmas because that is the time-frame mom had been talking. 6 days notice is not enough.  I've needed to travel for work and I had to get permission weeks in advance. Unfortunately, I got back from a work trip late the night before I was told they were moving my mom and I need to leave again Tuesday.  

This stinks.  I want to be there for my mom, sister and brother.  I don't want to be seen as the child who doesn't care.  I love my mom.  Please pray for my family as they get everything together.  Pray for my mom as she surrenders her "freedom".  Pray that I am able to be of some help from here and when I do get to go home.

Dear Heavenly Father,
Be with my family. Please guard, guide and direct our ways as we move into this new phase of my mom's life.   Please help me to be there for them even though I am so far away.
Amen

That wasn't so bad. And things are happening!

Well, the scratch biopsy wasn't so bad.

The appointment was started over a half an hour late so I missed more work than expected.  But, the pain was not as bad as some say it could be.  The Dr. used a numbing gel and shots on my c.ervix, but when the catheter passed through it did cause some strong men.stral type cramping.  I spotted for a couple of days, but nothing compared to my "normal" cycle bleeding.  I am excited to see if it makes a difference in my lining.

My cycle started right on time this month.  But, they are delaying the meds/transfer calendar for the Dr.'s schedule.  I did not start CD 1 meds on CD 1.  Instead I am starting on CD 11.  I was on Lupron 10 units for 12 days.  They lowered the dose to 5 units for 1 day then started a half dose of Estrace for 4 Days and now here I am today on the "normal" meds calendar as of this morning.

It is exciting to be "on" the calendar finally.  I have been going to Dr. appointments (5, 4 pre-contract, not counting all of the "blood fiascoes"), since March and to be somewhere track-able is exciting.  To be able to mark days off the calendar, to see progress being made, is a "WOOHOO" type of happening.  I have a lining check on the 10th and then the transfer is either the 18th or 20th, the clinic and Dr. lean toward the 20th for a blast transfer.  Then on to the 2 week wait.

Dear Heavenly Father,  I am amazed at Your works.  I am so thankful that You share so much with me.  That You allow me to take part in Your works makes me humble and in awe.  Thank You for Loving me.  Thank you for using me.  Please help me to do Your will.  That in everything: the glory, honor and praise be Yours.
Amen

Here I sit 10 Days late and 4 Negative HPT's

So… Here I sit.  I have received the contract as of June 5, 2012.  I am currently 10 days late and 4 negative HPT’s late for the start of my cycle.  I have never been this late.  I believe the stress of May got to me and I did not ovulate.  Here is what May was to me.
• Delay in getting contract.
o Based on waiting for test results(they were complete 5-15-12)
• My father-in-laws Cancer is back and fighting, all other forms of defense have been played, he is moving on toward Chemo
o Had first treatment
• Mother’s Day (a sad IM not getting to celebrate it)
• Our 19th wedding anniversary
• Our daughter turned 16
• My Birthday
• In-Laws came to visit
• Our son graduated high school
• VBS worship team rehearsal twice weekly
• Two weeks before VBS a new songs added and needs to be choreographed
• The company I work for is facing many difficulties and the pressure has been put on.
• Waiting for my cycle to start June 1-3, 2012

I got the contract there are “concerns”
o Base comp(quite a bit lower than what this same law firm told me I should ask for a year ago when we met{before they started their own agency})
o Travel restrictions that would not allow me to go see my son at college his first year of school, or even move him there without getting together with a Dr and receiving permission.
o Lost wages more than $300.00 less, a week, than what I “bring home” weekly.
o Required to deliver at a hospital that my OB/GYN does not deliver at, so I would be required to change Dr’s (How many people need to see me naked?)
o Someone named Donald as the beneficiary/guardian of my life insurance policy for my underage children if I die.
o And a statement that “said” my husband and I expressly waived rights for legal representation.
o Not allowed to BLOG

I know everyone is “in a hurry” to get the meds started.  Believe me I wish we were at a point of starting.  I just know that I need to take care of my family first and foremost.  I understand that the IP’s need to be protected, the problem is so do I and if everyone is looking out for them who is looking out for me?  The whole reason I did everything I have done already without a contract is because everyone wants to protect the IP’s.

I wonder sometimes if God is holding onto my cycle until He is happy with how both sides are being cared for.  I said it earlier I have never been this late.  My body is God’s.  I am excited that He cares for me that much.  I am also a very impatient person and I am struggling with the delay.

Please pray that we can get this contract done this week ,my cycle starts and we can get on the road to making this amazing God fearing couple mommy and daddy.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I am Yours.
Amen!

Moving Forward Bit by Bit

The appointment went well. I really like Dr. Brahma, she is so kind and encouraging.  Dr. Brahma was so informative. I got more information in this one meeting than I have in all the other appointments with the RE's put together.  She drew out the timeline, she explained procedures and measurements.  She like PIO as much as I do and is OK not using the "other" form of progesterone.  She has another procedure that may help that she explained.  She is willing to pull out "ALL Stops", so we don't look back and go what if we had tried that one thing too? 
There is a lot to do to move forward.  I have blood tests and "girly" tests I must get done.  David needs to have blood tests done.  There is the contract to talk about.  There are tests, contract negotiations, timing, scheduling, tests, meds, transfer, tests,...
I have two "girly" tests this month.  Please pray for great results, I would rather this journey to not moved forward based on other issues than my health.  Pray for the IP's and all the medical and legal staff.  Pray for me and my family. Pray for God's guidance and blessings.

A pregnancy that did not happen

Hi All,
I know it has been a long time since I wrote.  Our contract restricted my blogging.  The parents have cancelled our contract so I am back to being able to write.
As you can see from the title the pregnancy did not happen.  Our transfer was November 2, 2011 the BETA was November 16, 2011. I am so sad for the IP's.  This was the last embryo.  I did not feel comfortable with NEFI.  I felt that the clinic believed in themselves too much.  In my initial interview with Dr Lavy he stated that he was going to follow the med protocol from my first journey because it was proven.  They did not.  They let my lining get up to 18, most surrogates I follow are happy to get to 8.  Was my lining too thick?  Dr Kort had the embryologist check the catheter to be certain the baby was not still there.  This clinic did not.  They woman in charge of "third party reproduction" scheduled my transfer date when the dr wasn't going to be in town originally.  Every ultrasound I had at NEFI was PAINFUL.  RBA in Atlanta never caused me pain.  I just never felt secure with NEFI.
SO Sad...  I have had very little contact with the IP's since the results.  I do not know what to say.  "I'm Sorry" doesn't seem to be enough. 
I have been contacted by a local couple about meeting and seeing if I can help them.  I am excited.  I will write more as the "dating" continues.

First, I am so thankful how GOD blessed me through the first journey.  Second, No Christmas card again this year.  I know we are not "friends" any more now that the baby is wholly theirs, but I thought maybe I would be on the Christmas card list. Talk about altruistic, I didn't even get the friendship that I thought developed during the journey. I am ok. I just thought...

Well I started birth control pills yesterday

Well, yesterday I started the first meds of many...  It seems odd to be on birth control, I had my tubes "tied" in 1996.  The medication protocol is different with this clinic.  I do not know exactly how different, but this clinic does not use Lupron.  They don't use PIO shots they normally use progesterone suppositories.  I used and prefer PIO shots.  Using shots I know I am getting the exact dose, I can go swimming and have a lot less mess.  I love the idea that there is no guessing how much my body is absorbing with the shots. 
I do not know the date when I will start any of the other meds.  I just know it will be after the contract is signed. The contract won't be given to us for review until I pass the "tests".
Next week we fly up to Connecticut for the medical and psyche screening.  I keep joking with my husband that I hope they don't tell him I really am crazy. 
The Intended Parents, A & B from now on, are currently reviewing the contract.  It will take a week for the blood test results to come back so David and I will probably not see a contract until after Labor day. 
I would like a late September early October transfer date, but I need to be on Meds for three weeks before the transfer and I can't guess when the contract will be done and signed.  I keep trying to figure out the timing and I just need to give it to God.  He knows what I have planned, He knows what I need.  I have a business trip in September.  We have a family trip planned and paid for in October, we must cancel by September 12, 2011 to get all of our money back.  David's mother has asked us to host Thanksgiving this year.  I need to go see my parents for Christmas.    I have another BIG business trip in February.  Maxwell graduates high school in May, and starts college in August.  WOW!
Dear Heavenly Father,
I am amazed by your LOVE.  The blessing and favor that you rain down on me daily makes me breathless sometimes. I am found speechless when I try to explain it all to those who do not know you, because there are not enough words to express Who and What  you are to me.  You are my EVERYTHING.  Thank you so much for the love, grace, mercy, guidance, laughter, joy, challenges,... Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for forgiving me.  Holy Spirit please guide my ways that they may shine and point to God.  Jesus thank you for the sacrifice, for finishing.  You could have walked away at anytime but you stayed for me.  Thank you!
In Jesus most precious and holy name,
amen 

I got an email (Ramblings my mind is SPINNING)

I got an email the other day, actually it was yesterday. 

BACK STORY

I sent in my applications in November/December 2010.  I had phone interviews.  I was told that I would be "hard to match", and hadn't heard anything since.  I thought the agencies had "given up" on me.  I am older, I do not want to work with "same sex" couples  and I will not terminate unless I am dieing.  I thought that the agencies felt "three strikes"  I was out. 

I started reaching out through an online community.  I started talking to two different families, at different times.  The first one ended in them struggling with surrogacy.  The second family, after the first ended, I found them to already have 8 children and then the IF's health caused that journey to stall/end.  That , independent-online search, obviously did not work for me.  I am so happy that it does work for others.

I decided after TWO families "misleadings/omissions" I needed to have someone else help me look and "protect" me.  I reached to the lawyer that facilitated my first journey, they were polite.  I contacted the RE's office, they referred me to another local lawyer that works with surrogacy, adoption, donor,...  This law office is amazing.  They contacted me by email, phone and we have even had lunch together.  The two women I met are so encouraging and kind.  They encouraged me that I will be "matchable" it just may take a few months.  That was last Wednesday June 8, 2011.

TIME NOW (THIS WEEK TO TODAY) (Monday June 13 and today June 14, 2010)

My mind is spinning.  I know this is early. 

Monday I got an email from one of the agencies I had sent in an application to, and had a phone interview with.  Someone that I felt had "given up" on me, was reaching out to me.  We played email tag and phone tag.  I PRAYED and PRAYED.  I spoke to God about His humor and timing.  [This agency works with international couples, I mentioned (to GOD) that Germany or Ireland would be "cool".]  I got another email this morning informing me that the IP coordinator for this agency had some PIP's (potential intended parents)in mind and was wondering if I would be interested in them looking at my profile.  I said "yes I am very interested, by the way may I ask where they are located?".  They are located in Germany. 

God NEVER ceases to amaze me.  HE is the Beginning and the End, my Creator, my Lord, my King, my Supplier, my Source, my Everything...

Timing New Journey?

Wow.

This weekend I am planning on meeting some potential IP's.  I am a little nervous.  With my last journey the timing didn't mean a lot to me other than I did not want to be pregnant through the summer so I could have some time with my kids while they were out of school.  This time around I must think about my son's 18th birthday(January), a company convention I have been told I must attend(February), my son's graduation and summer vacation with the kids before my son goes off to college. 

Looking at the dates from baby center, to get a better idea of timing...,  it looks like the same time frame/schedule as the last journey would work best.  I wold like to get started sooner rather than later.  OF course I know that this is all in God's timing and His hands.

Fertile days Resulting             due date


May 2, 2011 - May 7, 2011    January 26, 2012

May 30, 2011 - June 4, 2011   February 23, 2012

June 27, 2011 - July 2, 2011    March 22, 2012

July 25, 2011 - July 30, 2011   April 19, 2012

Aug 22, 2011 - Aug 27, 2011   May 17, 2012

Sept 19, 2011 - Sept 24, 2011  June 14, 2012

I am so excited.  I can't wait to see what God has in store for this new journey.

Precious Heavenly Father,  You and only You know what is ahead in this journey, who will be touched and when.  Holy Spirit I ask that you give me the guidance and sight to see where it is that I am to go.  Praise Your holy name.  Thank you for the blessing that you bestow upon me every moment of every day.  I ask for your forgiveness when I fail and the knowledge to always do it Your way.  God be with the Intended Parents as they get ready for this meeting.  Help us all to take the "us" out of the journey and make it about You and Your will.  In Jeseus' name. Amen