Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I had to say "No Match"

I feel terrible. I have been talking with a set of IP's since December 19, 2011. We started sharing more "personal" information in January; I gave them my personal and work email to make conversation easier. They asked about my insurance 1-11-12, the IM and I met 1-14-12.exchanged numbers... then I heard nothing from her until I reached out a week later, 1-21-12. The IM sent me a message through a social network two days later, 1-23-12, to tell me they had met with another GS the day before, 1-22-12, and were going with her. Then on 2-2-12 she reached out to me to see if I would consider working with them again, the other GS failed the psyche. I said I would consider and we started "messaging" again. We met this past Saturday, IP's and my family, we agreed to move forward and she was to send me her email, as i had already given her both of mine in January. Yesterday I still had not heard from her so I told them I do not believe we are a match because I did not feel as though they were fully comfortable with me, they still had not shared their last name either. She of course has now sent me their last name in an attempt to ... and even their home address.
I just don't want them to go with me because they want a baby "no matter what". I want them to work with me because we are a "Match", and I do not feel as though we are. There are just too many questions. This isn't about the money for me. I want to be a GS because it is the right thing to do.
What would you do?

Dear Heavenly Father,
This journey is so hard for so many reasons.  You know the heartbreak better than I do.  You also know the plans you have made.  I want to do what is right in Your Will, not mine.  I find it so hard when so many hearts are breaking and so many arms are empty to not rush in.  I do not want to do this because it is what I want to do.  I want to do this becasue it is what you want me to do.  Be with those hurting.  Be with those helping.  Help us to find each other as you want us to. 
In Jesus' precious name
Amen.

Friday, February 3, 2012

That was unexpected and now... Waiting for an email

Last month I met an IM, after several emails.  The meeting was great, I thought.  We ended with sharing our phone numbers and ...  I waited a week to hear back from her, I did not want to be TOO pushy.  I reached out to check in and received a response back with "we met with another surrogate and went with her".  I wished them luck.
Yesterday I got a text from the IM wondering if I would consider working with them, the other surrogate did not work out for reasons I will not mention.  I texted back.  I tried to email three times last night everytime I started an email my family had something I had to do.  I finally sent the email today. 
I am so sorry for these parents.  It is hard enough to hear that you are not able to "have" a child/ren without someone's help, but then you put your hopes in another person and it doesn't work out.  How should they feel?  At our meeting this IM had dreams of a Christmas baby.  Is that still a possibility?
I am waiting to hear back.  I do not know if they are talking to someone else.  I did not know last time.  I am willing to talk about a match.  I know it is so hard to feel 100% secure in trusting another person, that you have "just" met, with your chance of having a baby.  This is hard...
Please pray for this couple that are dreaming of a little one to fill their hearts, lives, and moments.  Pray that if I am to help them I can with God's blessing and guidance.  Pray that if I am not the surrogate to help them God directs them to each other, in His timing.