The IM's Announcement on Facebook

As some of you know(and some of you don't know) ___ and I have been trying to have a baby for several years now. After several unsuccessful attemps at in vitro fertilization, we had come to the conclusion that we would not go through that whole process again.This past summer a precious woman who I knew from my church called me out of the blue and asked me if I had ever considered surrogacy as an option of having a child .She told me that she and her husband and children had been talking and praying about this for some time. She was offering to carry our child!! I was completely blown away by this, and I still am today!! After doing some research on gestational surrogacy, talking with my family and diligently praying about all of this , ___ and I decided that we wanted to do this and we see this as a great blessing from God. My friend and surrogate, Heidi, was examined by my fertility doctor and he immediately thought she was a great candidate to carry our child.We were thrilled!!From my previous attempts at in vitro we were left with one single blastocyst ( a five day fertilized egg) so we had only this ONE shot to transfer that single egg and pray that it would first thaw without being damaged(which sometimes happens) and second that it would implant. Again, God was in this all as everything turned out perfectly and now we are HAVING A BABY!!!!!As of now Heidi is 11 weeks pregnant. We have had 2 sonograms so far and the baby shows a very strong heartbeat!!! Praise God!!I am very thankful to everyone who has been praying for my dear friend, Heidi, and to those who have been praying for ___ and me. Please continue to keep us in your prayers and I'll keep everyone posted.

Thanksgiving!

Thank you Father.

I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart:
I will recount of your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and exult in You:
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.
Psalm 9:1-2

Thanksgiving! This holiday/vacation was filled with so many reasons to be thankful and rejoice in our Creator and His love for us.

• Family time
• Seeing my parents So happy
• Seeing David's parents So happy
• Connor getting Baptised
• Good Food
• Only getting sick once
• The love and support of my sisters of me in this journey
• ...

While there I was given was encouragement about this journey. An extended family member surprised me with her reaction in finding out that David and I are acting surrogates. This wonderful and loving mother of two boys, God given/adopted, told me that what we are doing is a good thing (not her words). I did not know why it was that they chose adoption. I found out it was because of not being able to carry to full-term, she had suffered three loses. To hear her heart in talking about this journey, I found it to be God telling me this is what he wants me to be doing.

God is always speaking! Just listen. He is always there, in everything we do. He is even with us in the things we would rather He not know about. HE IS THERE!

"IF you hold on to ME for dear life," says God, "I will get you out of any trouble. I'll give the best of care if you'll only get to know ME and trust ME. Call ME and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I'll rescue you, then throw a party. I'll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!"

Dr Stuart Pancer

So today was the day I got to go to the OB and be the patient. Up until now they have always treated me like a piece of meat and the IM as the patient. It was a little weird because the IM kept trying to answer the questions I was supposed to answer. I just waited my turn.

Dr Pancer is amazing. I would recommend him to anyone looking for a OB/GYN. So super nice and reassuring. This appointment was short and awesome. No "derobing" involved. He tried to find the heartbeat with the doppler, but couldn't (TOO early). 10 weeks today. To reassure the IM he ran a very short ultrasound so we could hear the heartbeat.

I am so blessed.

Continue to pray for the IM. I know there are still some parts of this that are difficult for her.
The stigma that is a part of infertility appears to be so overwhelming. In a situation like this when she arrives at church with a baby without having been pregnant. When I show up at church without a baby after being pregnant, people are going to know. Why not tell people now so they get more accustomed to the idea. Telling people sooner will allow them to support and pray for her. PLEASE pray for her.

A Lot Can Happen In Three Weeks

Wow. I don't even know where to start.

Thank you GOD for a successful pregnancy this far. It is amazing what can happen and how HE has kept His hand on this from before it even started. The statistics were around 20% success if 4 embryos were transferred. We had one embryo and we are now down to a less than 2% chance of loss.

The new medicine they put me on after the first ultrasound made me SICK. I called and asked about it they thought it was just morning sickness. After another half of week I called and they said I could go back on the shots. I started feeling better immediately.

The second ultrasound was better. The IM sat at my shoulder so I didn't feel so exposed and I was also able to see what she was seeing. The tech was great, she was training someone, so along with another person seeing me naked, I at least had the advantage of her showing more in order to train. She asked if I would like to have a copy of some of the images. I, Of Course, said yes. I got two images one regular and one 3D. The IM got several, I did not get to see those, she packed them away without sharing.

I know this is going to be difficult for the IM. Please pray for her that she is able to open up with friends about what it is she is feeling. That she is able to find the support so needed for a journey like this. I have told her there are going to be days she does not like me, because I will be the one pregnant. I have told her she needs to find some people who are going to be excited for her and understand when she might be upset. Please pray that GOD puts the right people in her path.

A Piece of Meat

So...

The ultrasound appointment could have gone better for me. I left feeling awful! First the IM sat at my feet where I am ALL exposed, I really do not know this person well enough for this. I made small talk about not shaving my legs and I hoped they wouldn't mind, only for her to reply "I didn't shave either", so, she wasn't the one in the very compromising position. Then because of where she sat I did not get to see anything until the tech asked here if it was OK for me to see. The tech had assumed since she chose to sit where she did I was not supposed to see it. Then while I was changing the tech gave her images of the ultrasound and instead of sharing them with me she quickly looked through them and then put them in her purse. I did end up getting one but only because the NURSE asked me if I would like one. Did I mention it was the NURSE that asked? To top it off when leaving we needed to make an appointment for the next ultrasound and the appointment setter asked the IM what would work for her. ??? I am the one that is carrying the baby, I am the one with a FULL-TIME job. Shouldn't it be my schedule they look at?

End Note: I needed a new prescription, so the IM asked me if I wanted her to bring by my house or to work. I said work would be better. She later emailed me to tell me she was going to take it to church and put it in David's office.??? Really??? Really?

Ultrasound Appointment

It Is OFFICIAL!

I went in today at 9:45AM for the ultrasound. The heartbeat sounded amazing. It was so strong I thought it was mine until the tech said "Congratulations". I did not get to see much, and that is a completely different BLOG. But in the end, after uncomfortable questions, I did get to see the baby and the tech explained everything that I was seeing to me, and made a point of showing me the heart beating.

After the ultrasound I had an appointment with Dr. Kort. Before seeing him we had time with his nurse and, after uncomfortable questions, I was allowed to have one picture of the baby. We went over how I was feeling and how my meds will be changing. I was allowed to ask questions and say feelings. It is awkward when the Intended Mom trys to get in the conversation. I get it. It is her baby, but this is my pregnancy and body. I am the one doing what is needed for this to work. I need to be able to talk to the nurse and ask questions.

When Dr. Kort came in he was very excited. He listened to what I had to say when he asked questions and encouraged when needed. I do not need to take shots anymore YAY YAY YAY YAY! I am moving on to suppositories. No more baby aspirin, that stuff drives my head CRAZY!

I feel incredibly BLESSED. God has given me a great pregnancy so far. I feel Great! The numbers are good, the heartbeat is amazing, everything that is supposed to be there is, anything that isn't supposed to be there isn't... I have amazing prayer warriors! God is GOOD!

Beta Levels

My first test October 22, 2009 - 291
My second Test October 26, 2009 - 2362
My third test October 30, 2009 - 6373
My fourth test November4, 2009 - 23820

I have had four blood tests to record the level of hcg in my system to track Placental growth. the numbers say it all. The placenta is GROWING.

I had to have an ultrasound to verify a heartbeat before the clinic would say i was "Officially" pregnant. I had that today. I will BLOG that separately.

Pregnancy Tests and Unanswered Questions

Well, the first test of, possible, four pregnancy tests was Thursday October 22, 2009.

I went in for the 10 minute appointment.

It is amazing how much, on the clinic side, I do not know. They continue to act as though this is the intended mom's baby, and it is, but they forget that it is my pregnancy. I have not been pregnant this way before. I have been pregnant twice but both times it was all God and His natural way. This way, needing the doctors and many medicines to make it happen, leaves me with a lot of questions.

They called her and told her I was pregnant and what I am to do next. Shouldn't they tell me also????

The women that have been in this for a time, know what is needed and when and how. Just like the time I went to learn about my first medicine, when the nurse explained to the intended mother "this is the same protocal as last time", possibly not realizing that this is the first time for me. I have never had no "Protocal" for getting pregnant other than "Baby Dancing". I need to know what to do so that I don't mess this up. I need to know why and when I am doing things. I need to know when I can start doing the things I used to. There are restictions on my physical activities, low excercise...

I just need the clinic to include me in the information. Am I asking to much????

Embryo Transfer

Yesterday was the day!

Yesterday was a day of events. It was pouring down rain and traffic moved at 45 MPH on the intestate that normally runs around 70 MPH. I was ealry and had already drank 96 oz. of water to insure a FULL bladder. The intended nother was a couple of minutes early.

We were lead into a room connected to the lab where the embryo had be kept for several months. I, of course, had the honor of "disrobing" from the waist down. While while in the rest/undressing room I overheard that there was a problem with some of the paperwork. AAAHHH! "If we can't resolve this the transfer can't happen." Here I was half undressed, having been on several medicines, some for a month, tested physically and metally, signed away my rights, and now this might not happed.

The clinic decided they would move ahead. They fixed it and the transfer could go forward.

The procedure was flawless. The embryo perfect and my uterus "pretty" and one the the best they had seen in a long time. I got to see the transfer on the screen, with the translation by the ultrasound tech. It lasted all of a few minutes and after five minutes of laying still I was allowed to use the restroom for what it was intended and put my clothes back on. I was given instructions to "take it easy" for the next ten days until the pregnancy test and we know if it stuck.

I was told I cannot pee, cough, sneeze or laugh the emryo out. That of course did not stop the panic attack I had last night. But, after a good nights sleep I feel better. I am a little light headed this morning, but will blame it on change in medicines, and that changing my hormones.

Please pray for these nest two weeks to go quickly and blessed.

DOC 1 is Tomorrow

I start new medicines tomorrow.

Remember when I posted that the medicines alone will require their own blog. This is it.

DOC 1 through DOC 5
Lupro 5 units
Estrace 1 tablet twice a day
1 81mg Asprin

DOC 6 through DOC 9
Lupron 5 units
Estrace 2 tablets twice a day
1 81mg Asprin

DOC 10 through DOC 14
Lupron 5 units
Estrace 2 tablets three times a day
181mg Asprin

DOC 15 through 19
Lupron 5 units
Estrace 2 tablets twice a day
1 81mg Asprin
Doxycycline 1 tablet twice a day
Progesterone 50mg IM
Medrol 16mg once daily

DOC 20 Embryo Transfer
Estrace 2 tablets twice a day1 81mg Asprin
Progesterone 50MG IM

DOC 21 until pregnancy test
Estace 1 tablet twice a day
Progesterone 50mg IM

The Estrace and Progesterone will continue I do not know at what dosage or frequency. I find that out when I test positive.

Keep Praying.

Contract WOES!

I do not know where to start, what to say.

This contract part of the surrogacy is not going as I hoped. In reading it there are a lot of things that need to be fixed. I am certain some of it has to do with me assuming that since I am doing this as a "gift" and not a "job" that the intended parents would be as generous and concerned about my well-being as I am about theirs. I am understanding more each day why people go through an agency or do this for family members only. I thought that since "payment" was not involved that this would be easier. I was wrong!

I have tried to help cut costs for the intended parents anywhere I can. I had the blood test done by my Dr instead of the IVF clinic saving them more than $2000.00, I agreed to not have my own lawyer (thinking that theirs would be for both parties) since they would have been responsible to pay for mine independently, this made the contract solely in their favor. I am learning a lot! I cannot seem to get the intended father to understand that I cannot go without pay if I am ordered to "bed rest", and will need to have lost wages guaranteed, that Life Insurance is for more than paying for a funeral.

I know that God will take care of it all. I have a problem with my humanness wanting it to go differently, now. It feels as though my value in their eyes is less than, instead of equal. I have been on the first medicine for almost a week now, the intended mother assured the clinic that a contract wold be in place before I started. I believed that this lawyer was representing both sides, so it would be "FAIR", "EQUAL", so this would be done faster. The contract was late, now there are "issues" with it, and here I am on a drug possibly for no reason. I am praying.

Please pray.

Why Surrogacy?

I have been told I am "crazy", especially when I tell people that there is no payment to me involved. All I asked for is that I do not have to spend any of my family's money to do this. I just need my medical bills covered, a life insurance policy, just in case, and lost wages if needed. I cannot ask my husband and children to suffer for a ministry of service that I am doing.

Before I started this journey I had no idea how painful infertility is or just how many people suffer from it. In studying surrogacy I have found more and more stories of hurting people. YouTube is full of videos. Here a couple of links to get you started. I cannot tell you how it feels myself. I can only tell I saw a heart break. Pray for all those suffering. Listen to their hurts, hold their hands, and pray.

http://www.docshop.com/education/fertility/statistics-facts/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6rVC1uBhl8

Lupron Shots

My Lupron shots started yesterday. WOW! Now I am nervous. Up to this point it was still a "maybe", now it is really going to happen. I am so excited. The shots are not that bad. They are little needles with little med. This morning I did get a bruse, I am sure it will not be the last.

Yesterday I did the shot with the help of a dear friend that is a nurse. This morning I did the shot with an audience of David and Abigal. David filmed it, so he could record Abi's reactions. It was fun to see their reactions an concerns. We are all in this together. I am so glad that I have my famly and friends to help me through this.

I praise God for His faithfulness and Love.

Please pray for the embryo.

Sonohystogram

September 2, 2009 was the sonohystogram. The day didn't start off well. I left work late, I missed the exit, ans that caused me to be late. I hate being late. "On time" for me is late. This was a very important appointment. If this didn't happen the transfer won't happen.

I was 7 minutes late, but I did get there before the intended mom.

The first part of the appointment involved lack of key clothing articles, a speculum, Betadine, a catheter, saline solution, an internal sonogram and a big MESS. Results were immediate; my cervix is easy and my uterus perfect.

The second half of the appointment was supposed to be my medicine protocol. "This is what and when it will happen, these shots begin this day, this pill this day, this shot this day, these two other pills this day, ultrasound this day and transfer this day." The nurse gave me no help. I actually had to ask her to show me how to give myself a shot, telling her "I have never done this before". I still feel very uneducated, but I have a dear friend that is a RN that is going to help with the first shot. I left very disappointed.

I guess the nurse still sees this as the intended mom as the patient not me. The nurse even told her that "it will be the same as the last time." I wasn't there the last time. How am I supposed to know what to do? The mom and I do not live together, I do not want her to do my shots, I am just getting to know her.

LUPRON stars September 13, 2009. This is the "easy" shot. I will put a blog up that lists all the meds later.

Please pray for the embryo!

I learned to say "no"

At the appointment with the psychologist, she made a point of telling me I need to learn to ask for what I need and say "no". She told all four of us at the appointment that we need to remember that is my body and their baby. We need to go back and forth between those two thoughts to keep a healthy balance.

My first opportunity to say no came when we were talking about my sonohystogram. The intended mother wanted to come with me and I am still working on being ready to have people see me naked. At that date it is still just my body, no baby.

That was hard. I just don't want to loose myself in this pregnancy. I know I have made this offer, but where should I draw the line? I still need to be allowed to live my life as myself also. I do not want to be pushed aside and forgotten for the sake of the baby.

Praise God for the friends He has placed in my life. I know I have support when needed and a friend to tell me what I need to hear.

I have to do what?

I had done a lot of studying. I read books, looked at agencies, watched VLOGS, searched articles on the Internet... I thought I had learned enough to know what I was getting myself into, before I even offered. Ultimately what I learned is there is always more to learn.

I took tests, some physical some mental. I have been poked and prodded. I have learned more about myself.

Tests Taken:

• 567 question Psych evaluation
• every STD known
• Rubella immunity
• Pelvic
• sonohystogram
• sounding
• Patience

I have yet to see the results from the psych evaluation. I do know that I have no STD's, I am immune to Rubella, my thyroid is fine, my cervix looks good and is easy, my uterus is perfect, and this takes a LONG time.

There are a lot meds required I will post that schedule later. There are still a couple of things that need to happen for this to work. The contact must be in place. The intended parents must not change their minds. MOST importantly, the embryo must be healthy. Please pray!

The Beginning

In May 2009 I saw a heart break.

A woman from our church came to David and me to tell us about something that was going on in the life of a member of the Praise Team and a part of my high school girls' small group. Her 17 year old niece was five months pregnant. While talking about this we learned of this woman's second miscarriage. As she told us about her recent loss while someone so close to her was pregnant I saw her heart break. A couple of weeks earlier she had announced to the women's ensemble that she was pregnant. Initially my concern was for her niece, but seeing her heart I knew she was the one God was calling me to help.

Was I hearing God right? Does He really want me to make this offer? I had thought of helping my niece out this way, she is more like a sister to me than niece. Does He really want me to offer this to someone I don't even really know? I NEEDED TO PRAY!

I prayed, read my Bible, and listened. The lessons in church on Sundays were in James. Everything God's word was telling me was reinforcing what I had heard. Faith without works is DEAD.

I talked to David, he thought is was a "Great" idea. I asked him to pray. I talked to my Dr. she thought is was a "Great" idea. We talked to our children and asked them to pray about it. We talked about it again as a family a couple of days later. Their concerns were, will you be safe, can I "vlog" about it? Our daughter is very excited our son is a teenage boy.

The hardest part was making this offer to this woman at church. I asked her to sit down because I had something shocking to ask her. I then brought up the idea of gestational surrogacy. I offered to carry her embryo to term for her. I asked her to talk with her husband and stepson, pray, study... and let me know. She was "Blown Away". That was June 10th-ish. There were concerns; money, costs, legality... They needed to talk. I wanted them to talk. This was not a spur of the moment decision for me it needed to be same for them. Knowledge vs. Emotion. A little more than a month later ,July 17, after talking to their IVF specialist, they decided to move forward.

That is what this blog is about. This is my current act of service. My listening to God, Him directing my actions. Did I truly know what I was getting into, NO. Did I study everything I could find , YES. Do I still wonder if I heard Him right, YES.

My prayers have been very specific, God answer me LOUDLY, I do not want to make a mistake, stop this in its tracks if this is not what you want. YOUR will be done.

Did HE dial the right number?

There have been many times I ask God if He had dialed the right number. Does he really want me to go up and ask that woman if I can tie her shoe for her? Do I go help that older couple load their bags in the trunk? Do I help that woman push her groceries to the car? Did that woman just ask me what is it that makes me different?

There are times I just do not want to do what God is calling me to do. Even to the point of hanging up. I am the only one that suffers when I don't listen. I go back and ask "please won't you give me another chance?" The one that sticks out in my mind the most was the question, the one that required no physical effort and only a one word answer, "God". I failed. I was uncertain how to answer. Shouldn't we always answer honestly? Isn't that the easiest thing to do?

Even in God's disappointment with my behavior He gives me another chance. How can I be so deserving of His belief in me when I did not believe He would protect me in my honesty?

I pray for a life of service. God has more than enough jobs. Matthew 9:37 The harvest is great, but the workers are few. All we need to do as His people is to listen for the "call" and then work.

God's Love and answered prayers

God is amazing at His ability to answer prayer, even to the minutest detail.

As a child I wanted a family and to sing for God. In middle school I learned that women outlive men on average by 7 years, so my prayers became more specific. I also knew I needed/wanted two children two years apart in age. Again even more specific. There was mention of hair color, but I think he was listening to my mom's prayers in that detail.

Of course I did not do the math or realize that the age difference would mean waiting on my part. Example: me 18 him 11, I am sure you get the idea. Because of my mathematical skills or lack of them. I became doubtful and impatient, so I took matters in to my own hands. That is another Blog. The detour that I took was a lesson in God's LOVE and Mercy. He stayed with me and kept me safe, He welcomed me back with open arms and forgave me, and even as undeserving as I was, He still gave me the desires of my heart that I had prayed for so many years before. He introduced me to the man of my prayers and blessed me with the two most perfect children. I am blessed and honored by His love and faithfulness daily. He evens allows me to help lead worship in His house some Sundays.

I also prayed for a life of service. I wanted a life where I could touch people and love them and in some cases, LOVE them. I have been allowed to do that for many years. This year He called me with the Best job yet.

My Adventure Begins Here

James 2:14-26:

Faith in Action

14 -17Dear friends, do you think you'll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, "Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!" and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?
18I can already hear one of you agreeing by saying, "Sounds good. You take care of the faith department, I'll handle the works department."
Not so fast. You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works. Faith and works, works and faith, fit together hand in glove.
19 -20Do I hear you professing to believe in the one and only God, but then observe you complacently sitting back as if you had done something wonderful? That's just great. Demons do that, but what good does it do them? Use your heads! Do you suppose for a minute that you can cut faith and works in two and not end up with a corpse on your hands?
21 -24Wasn't our ancestor Abraham "made right with God by works" when he placed his son Isaac on the sacrificial altar? Isn't it obvious that faith and works are yoked partners, that faith expresses itself in works? That the works are "works of faith"? The full meaning of "believe" in the Scripture sentence, "Abraham believed God and was set right with God," includes his action. It's that mesh of believing and acting that got Abraham named "God's friend." Is it not evident that a person is made right with God not by a barren faith but by faith fruitful in works?
25 -26The same with Rahab, the Jericho harlot. Wasn't her action in hiding God's spies and helping them escape—that seamless unity of believing and doing—what counted with God? The very moment you separate body and spirit, you end up with a corpse. Separate faith and works and you get the same thing: a corpse.

1 John 3:16-18:

16 -17This is how we've come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves. If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God's love? It disappears. And you made it disappear.

When We Practice Real Love

18 -20My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.

1 John 4:7-16:

God Is Love

7 -10My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.
11 -12My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!
13 -16This is how we know we're living steadily and deeply in him, and he in us: He's given us life from his life, from his very own Spirit. Also, we've seen for ourselves and continue to state openly that the Father sent his Son as Savior of the world. Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God's Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God. We know it so well, we've embraced it heart and soul, this love that comes from God.